1) Are you doing this because YOU want to?

Or are you thinking about doing it because someone else wants you to? Maybe you’re not sure you’re ready, but your partner is keen? Or perhaps there a bit of ‘peer pressure’ – all your friends seem to be doing it, so you feel you should be too?
 

Do any of the following sound familiar? -
 

• “You would if you loved me!”
• “It’s only natural!”
• “Everyone else is doing it!”
• “Don’t you want to make our relationship stronger?”
• “You’ll have to do it sometime – why not now, with me?”
• “I'll be gentle, and it'll be really great, I promise!”
• “I'll only put it in for a second...”

If you're hearing things like this, then you should think carefully! These are not the right reasons to have sex. A partner who’s saying things like this is trying to put pressure on you and doesn’t really care whether you’re ready or not – this person doesn’t respect your feelings, and they’re probably not the right person to have sex with.

Nor should you have sex just because your friends are saying things like :

• “You mean you’ve never done it?!?”
• “I lost it when I was twelve. . .”
• “Yeah, I’ve had sex loads of times. . . ”
• “You’re a virgin, you wouldn’t understand. . . ”
• “No-one’ll be interested in you if they hear you’re frigid.”
• “It's amazing - you don't know what you're missing!”

It may feel like your friends are all more experienced and knowledgeable, but we guarantee they're probably not!  Many of them will only be saying things like this because they think everyone will laugh at them if they admit they’ve never really done anything!  Besides, being sexually experienced at a young age doesn’t necessarily make someone mature or sensible - in fact, it indicates the opposite.

 

2) Do I know my partner well enough?

If you’ve only just met your partner, haven’t been going out with them very long, or perhaps don’t even really know them, then sex is never going to be a really good experience because there won't be much trust between you.  If you've never even kissed the person you're with, then you're definitely not ready to have sex with them!
 

Sex can leave you feeling very vulnerable afterwards in a way you might not be prepared for, so it’s better to be with someone that you know is likely to be sticking around. Usually, you’ll have better sex with someone you know really well, are comfortable with, and who you can talk to openly about relationships and feelings. Sex will be best with someone you love. 

3) Is it legal?

The age of consent differs between countries. In most states of the U.S, for instance, it ranges between 16 and 18. In the UK, it's 16. And in India, it's 16.
 

So why do countries have a legal age for having sex? Because this is the age when the government believes young people are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with having sex. All too often people think they are ready when they’re not. Age of consent laws are also designed to prevent older people from taking advantage of children and young teenagers who may not understand the consequences of having sex, or even what sex is.
 

4) Do I feel comfortable enough with my partner to do this, and to do it sober?

It’s natural to feel a little embarrassed and awkward the first time you have sex with someone because it’s not something you’ve ever done before. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will probably feel the same.  But if you don’t trust your partner enough not to laugh at you or you don’t feel you can tell them you’ve never had sex before, then it’s far better to wait until you can.  

And if you think you’ll have to drink a lot of alcohol before you do it so you feel relaxed enough, or you only find yourself thinking about having sex when you’re drunk, then that suggests you’re not ready.  A lot of people lose their virginity when they’re drunk or on drugs, and then regret it.  So if you’re worried that you’re going to be in a situation where you might be tempted to do something you wouldn’t do normally, restrict your drinking, keep off the drugs, or make sure you stick with a sober friend who can look after you!

5) Do I know enough about sex?

Do you know what happens during sex?  Do you know how it works, what it's for and how and why a woman can get pregnant? Do you know about sexually transmitted infections?  Lots of people worry that they’re going to make a fool of themselves or do something wrong.  Well, you shouldn’t have to worry if you’re with a partner who cares about you - (s)he won’t laugh.  And if you’re not with a partner who cares, you probably shouldn’t be doing it!  Physically, sex is actually quite simple, but the more you know, the more comfortable you’ll feel.

6) Will I be glad when I’m older that I lost my virginity at the age I am now?

Imagine that you’re looking back at yourself in ten years time.  What do you think you’ll think then about how and when you lost your virginity?  Is there any way in which you might regret it? The answer should be ‘no’ – if it’s not, you’re probably not ready yet.

7) Can I talk to my partner about this easily?

If you can’t talk about sex, then you’re not ready to have sex.  It’s as simple as that.  Being honest about how you’re feeling will make it easier for both of you, and will make sex better in the future.

8) Do I know how to have sex safely?

It’s really important that you know how to protect against pregnancy, STIs and HIV.  Again, this is something you need to talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about before the event, so you’re both okay about what you’re going to use. H

Especially with things like condoms, it’s good to have a bit of practice putting them on, and to feel okay about doing it – it’s not enough just to get a condom if you’re not confident enough to use it – they’re no good if they stay in your pocket the whole time!

9) Do we both want to do this?

You may decide that you are ready, but it might be that your partner isn’t, even if they have had sexual partners before.  For sex to work, you both have to be willing to do it. Don’t ever pressure anyone to have sex if they’re not sure – this is very wrong, and it’ll cost you your partner’s respect and the respect of other people.

Also - there’s a fine line between pressuring someone to have sex and forcing someone to have sex – if you put too much pressure on someone, it can become force – and if you force someone into sex, you can be prosecuted for rape.

10) Does sex fit in with my/their personal beliefs?

It may be that you, your partner or your family have beliefs that say sex at a young age (or before marriage) is wrong.  Do you feel comfortable going against these views?  Will it cause you unnecessary worry and guilt if you do (or don’t!)?  Some young people will have sex simply because their family has banned them from doing so, even if they don't realise that this is the reason.  Having sex as an act of rebellion may feel great at the time, but if anything goes wrong, you face a very difficult situation, as you may not be able to rely on your family's support.
 

Even if everything goes well, keeping sex (and all the emotions that go with it) a secret can be very hard – so, if possible, you should make sure you have someone else to talk to that you can trust to keep it to themselves.  But remember, the decision to have sex should be an agreement between you and your partner, and while other people may help or influence your decision, they shouldn’t make it for you.
 

So, how did you do? If you answered “Yes!” to all ten of these questions, then you’re probably pretty much ready, as long as BOTH of you feel okay about it.

If you didn’t, then there’re probably some issues you need to work through first, because all of these questions are important.
 

First time sex is always going to be scary whatever age you are when you have it.  It can sometimes seem like losing your virginity is the most important thing in the world.  But you can’t get your virginity back once it's gone, so what is really important is that you have enough respect for yourself to wait until you’re truly ready, and can truly trust the person you’re with.

Good luck, have fun, and stay safe!

Being Abused

 

Incest and sexual abuse are at epidemic proportions. Current statistics suggest that one out of four females is sexually abused by the time she reaches the age of 18, with about 75 percent of the perpetrators being family members. One out of 5 males is sexually abused by age 18.

Incest is defined as sexual relations of any kind perpetrated by a biologically or non-biologically related person functioning in the role of a family member. Other trusted adults also sexually abuse children and teenagers; these include: fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, stepparents, grandparents, coaches, baby sitters, clergy, teachers.

It really happens... and not just to other people. Children of every race, religion and economic status are abused and or incested. What makes this problem even worse is that the effects of incest don't stop when the abuse stops. They stay with the child as he or she grows through adolescence and into adulthood. Self-hatred, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, eating disorders, the inability to trust and suicide are common results of incest and sexual abuse.

 

Sexual abuse includes:

Of course, this list goes on. Sexual abuse involves forcing, tricking, threatening, or pressuring a child into sexual awareness or activity. Sexual abuse occurs when an older or more knowledgeable child or an adult uses a child for sexual pleasure. The abuse often begins gradually and increases over time.

The use of physical force is rarely necessary to engage a child in sexual activity because children are trusting and dependent. They want to please others and gain love and approval. Children are taught not to question authority and they believe that adults are always right. Perpetrators of child sexual abuse know this and take advantage of these vulnerabilities in children. Sexual abuse is an abuse of power over a child and a violation of a child's right to normal, healthy, trusting relationships.

 

Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults or friends to recognize signs of abuse. Physical evidence of abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for behavior signs. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused.

The following are general behavior changes that may occur in children and teens who have been sexually abused:

Depression

Eating Disorders

Sleep disturbances

Nightmares

Physical complaints

School problems

Withdrawal from family, friends, or usual activities

Excessive bathing or poor hygiene

Anxiety

Running away

Passive or overly pleasing behavior

Low self-esteem

Self-destructive behavior

Hostility or aggression

Drug or alcohol problems

Sexual activity or pregnancy at an early age; promiscuity

Suicide attempts

Being Used

Any person who uses his or her partner for sex only is just set for a temporary relationship because the person will get bored, tired, and most likely will find another relationship. How can you handle this after that? There is no good reason for a person to like a relationship like that . If you are right now in this situation, want to clarify your doubts over your actual relationship, or feel there is a repeated pattern that makes you fall into this negative situation, I can help you to gain control of your life and find the right person for you.

In order to get more clarity on the issue, it might help you to listen  telling you without clouding it with what you want to hear. Sounds like he made a pretty clear proposition: Let's be friends who have also sex. Some people are finding that they prefer these convenient sexual friendships over simply "hooking up" with people, but the situation isn't for everyone, especially when one of the parties involved has deeper feelings for the other. It's tempting to think that something will change and a more emotionally intimate relationship will evolve from such an arrangement, but they rarely do, so take him at his word.

Take a cold, hard look at the reality of the situation and check in with yourself about whether this is a comfortable situation for you. It doesn't sound like it is, based on what you've said. You probably don't want to venture any further into a sexual relationship in which you feel used.

Protection

 

Condoms

The best condoms for anal and vaginal intercourse are lubricated latex condoms. We do not recommend lambskin condoms because they don’t block HIV and STDs. 

If you're going to suck your partner's dick (blowjob), put a condom on it first. Try non-lubricated or flavored condoms for this. Whatever you do, don't get semen (cum) in your mouth, because you could get an STD or HIV that way. If you have a sore throat or small cuts on your gums (say from brushing your teeth), there's a risk of HIV going from the semen into your blood stream.

If you're doing someone with a sex toy -- vegetable, dildo, vibrator, or whatever -- put a condom on that thing! Don't switch the toy from butthole to vagina, or from one person's body to another, until you put a new condom on it.

plastic wrap

If you're going to be licking your partner's vulva and clit (eating out), use a piece of plastic wrap to be safe. Yes! All you need is some plastic-wrap, or a condom cut down the side and laid flat. Be sure to cover the entire crotch. You could put some honey or jam on your side of the plastic wrap and just eat away!

latex gloves

Putting your fingers or fist in your partner's vagina or butthole (finger fucking or fisting) is safe as long as you don't have cuts or sores on your hands and your partner is not on her period. The safest way to do it is to wear a latex surgical glove (not a dishwashing glove) and use lots of water-based lube. You can get latex surgical gloves at the drugstore.

 

Cleaning your works

Sex isn't the only way you can get HIV. Another way is through sharing needles (syringes). But those who shoot drugs can still protect themselves from HIV. The best thing to do is to USE A CLEAN NEEDLE AND WORKS (cotton, cooker, spoon, etc.) EVERY TIME! Don't share. And throw away used needles and works.

Birth control

Girls can also get birth control there are many different birth controls out there. Some you take everyday others you get a shot every month. Some you can take even once a year but they also involved surgery and such.

 

Diseases

HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is the virus believed to cause AIDS. When someone has HIV (is HIV+), their body has a hard time fighting off infections and diseases. Anybody can get HIV.

 

This is how you can get HIV:

• having vaginal or anal "intercourse" without a condom
• licking someone's clit or dick without a condom or plastic wrap
• sharing needles
• from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, and breast feeding
• receiving a blood transfusion (luckily HIV is rarely transmitted this way anymore)

• kissing, sweat, tears
• hugging
• food
• toilet seats
• swimming pools
• giving blood
   

chlamydia

women usually have none; men have pain/burning when urinating, yellow discharge; sometimes no symptoms

crabs or pubic lice

severe itching

genital herpes

red bumps/blisters in genital area; pain or burning when peeing

gonorrhea

pain/burning when urinating; yellow discharge

hepatitis B & C

yellow skin, abdominal pain, nausea/vomiting

molluscum contagiosum

small white bumps around genital/anal area

syphilis
 

painless open sores, rash, genital ulcers, flu-like symptoms

yeast infection

itching, discharge, soreness in genital area

Getting Pregnant

Congratulations - you've now entered the magnificent yet sometimes scary world of pregnancy!

This is an exciting and sometimes worrying time for a woman, especially if this is your first baby, or if you have suffered a miscarriage in the past.  Often, you may have to face a wait of several weeks between a positive result from a home pregnancy test (because they are so accurate these days, doctors often don't perform a seperate blood test) and your first appointment with your doctor or midwife.  It's all to easy to think it's all going horribly wrong - or that you're imagining the whole thing! 

On this page you will find many of the things that you may (or may not!) experience, and how the ladies of the "Got Pregnant" community dealt with them.  Often, just knowing that everyone else has been through exactly the same thing is enough reassurance to make you feel better.  It's not you that is weird, it's pregnancy!

Don't forget to mention all the niggles and discomforts to your other half - otherwise they will have no idea what you are going through, and then cannot be expected to be sympathetic and run around after you!  So make the most of it!

Very faint line on a pregnancy test
Sometimes, the line that tells you that you are pregnant is so faint, you wonder if you are imagining it all.  The kits we all use at home detects HCG, or human chorionic gonadotrophin. This hormone is produced by the developing embyro, and gets stronger every day.  Chances are, if you repeat the test a couple of days after the faint line, the new test will show a much darker line. 

A false positive result is very rare.  If you have had a positive test result, and your period shows up a few days later, then it's probably due to a very early miscarriage.  As sad as this is, it's a lot more common than most people realise.  Perhaps the egg failed to divide properly, or couldn't implant in the wall of the uterus due to a defect with either the egg or the sperm that fertilised it.  But it does mean that the basic mechanisms have been working - a sound egg fertilised by a good sperm stands every chance of resulting in a healthy baby.

Cramping just a few days after a positive result
As soon as a healthy egg has been fertilised, and makes its way down the Fallopian tube to the uterus, the blood supply to the uterus increases dramatically.  Even at this early stage, it starts to increase in size, and this can cause cramps very similar to those you may get just before your period.  Don't panic!  Cramping and funny pains may be felt all the way through your pregnancy.  This tends to be because the uterus doesn't just float there in your abdomen, it's held in place by connective tissue that all has to stretch to accommodate your expanding baby.  Don't forget that your entire lower abdomen gets completely rearranged by all this - and who knows where the ovaries end up!  Curling up with a hot water bottle can help.

Need to urinate more often
You may notice a need to urinate more often - the bladder is so close to the uterus that its own blood supply is increased too.  It seems terribly unfair to be getting up every few hours in the night already, but look on it as practice for later, and be grateful you don't have to change diapers yet.  The best way to avoid sleep interruptions is to drinkl less in the evening. However, it's important to ensure that you don't become dehydrated either.

Spotting
Several of the ladies on the "Got Pregnant" board experienced spotting at 6-8 weeks of pregnancy, and to a woman, we all panicked, thinking we were losing our babies.  What we were actually experiencing was "implantation spotting" - when the embryo burrows into the wall of your womb, it can cause spotting - just a bit of dark brown blood.  A scan showed that all was well, and even picked up a heartbeat in some instances.  So if you do experience this, it's probably nothing to worry about (It's one thing we always warn the new ladies on the board about!), but if the blood is red, or you have crampy pains, do seek medical advice immediately.

Mucus
You may have been charting your waking temperatures and cervical mucus while trying to conceive.  If not, and you find the concept of mucus a bit icky, you'd best get used to it, because it gets worse!!  Pregnancy is EXTREMELY biological, and not very glamourous!  Anyway, due to the increase in blood flow to the soft tissues of the body, you may well find that not only does your vaginal discharge increase (causing you to leave snail trails all over the place), but also your nasal mucus...  Nice.  There are some of us who have had a runny nose since conception...  It's nothing that can't be dealt with by a panty liner, although blowing your nose on one might get you a few strange looks.  As long as the vaginal mucus is clear or white, and doesn't smell nasty, it's nothing to worry about.  Just avoid sliding down banisters for a while.

Morning Sickness
Some women get it, some don't.  Nobody really knows what causes it, but it is believed to be linked to low blood sugar and the elevated levels of progesterone in the bloodstream.  Some have even gone so far as to call it "progesterone poisoning".  In many cases, it starts very early on, around the time of your first missed period, and tends to wear off at 12-14 weeks.  However, one member didn't get any until 11 weeks, and it's still there at 20!  Some really unlucky ladies suffer all the way through pregnancy.

One of the most frequent cry for help on the board is for ideas to quell the morning sickness.  Perhaps we should refer to it as morning, noon and night sickness, as it really can hit at any time.  Suggestions for relief have included (in no particular order):

Ginger biscuits, ginger beer, anything with ginger in (it helps many, but not all sufferers)
Fizzy drinks, especially lemonade
Dry crackers
Clear soup

Basically, if it will stay down, eat it.  Medics recommend eating little and often - don't let yourself get too hungry.  Do try to take a good prenatal vitamin, and your baby won't suffer.  Extreme cases of morning sickness can require hospitalisation for a few days, mainly to prevent dehydration.  If you have decided to keep your pregnancy a secret for the first 12 weeks, it can be pretty tiring to have to sneak off to be sick.  Many ladies lose a bit of weight due to this, but the baby is taking everything it needs before you get any of it, so don't worry.  You will get plenty of sympathy and understanding on the Got Pregnant board if you get morning sickness badly, because most of us know just how horrible it is! Some users have found acupressure wrist bands - usually sold for travel sickness - help too.

Headaches
Often referred to as hormonal headaches, these can make life pretty miserable, especially as the only thing we pregnant ladies can take for them is paracetamol (known as Tylenol in the U.S.).  The best thing is loads of water, as dehydration can make it so much worse.  Stopping for a catnap can also help a bit too.

Fatigue
As with morning sickness, some ladies find this worse than others.  The books will lead you to believe that you will feel pretty drained for the first three months, feel full of beans for the middle three, and tired again for the last three.  This is not always the case.  Some ladies feel fine all the way through, some feel exhausted all the way through.  We have one member who could happily manage 23 hours sleep in 24, and at halfway through, still has to have a little lie down after making a cup of tea.
Sometimes, you may get overcome with the overwhelming desire to just go to sleep for a bit.  Don't fight it, there is no point, you will lose.  It can be a bit tricky if nobody knows about your pregnancy, but if you can, shut your eyes for ten minutes or so.
Our advice would be, sleep when you can, just be led by what your body is telling you to do!

Backache
Right from the word go, you may get backaches low down.  This is caused by a hormone called relaxin, which loosens all your joints to allow a baby to pass through your pelvis.  It can also make your feet grow up to a size too, and this is irreversible, but that's another story.  The increased blood flow to the area may also contribute to the ache.  Later on, the weight out front will pull on your lower spine, which also makes it ache.  Rubbing it, a warm (not hot) bath and lots of tea and sympathy from your partner also help!

Aching hips
Some of us on the board found that we got aching hips in the night.  It is recommended you sleep on your side during pregnancy, particularly your left, as it provides the best blood flow to your baby.  This can cause achy hips - we're not quite sure why!  A body pillow can help allieviate this a bit, try putting it between your knees  while lying on your side.

Sore breasts
Blood flow to your breasts increases very early on, as they start to make all the milk producing glands and ducts.  Some women noticed a significant increase in size in the first few weeks, and it is very important to get measured for a well fitting maternity bra.  Breasts can also be very tender - the best advice is to leave yourself a little more space in doorways than you are used to, to avoid walking into them!  You might also notice the nipples and aureolae darkening a little, or veins becoming more obvious.  They can take on a life of their own during early pregnancy, so look after them, and wih any luck, they won't be hovering round your knees in later life.

None of the recognised signs of pregnancy!
Not everyone gets any of the above pregnancy symptoms.  So there's no need to worry if you seem to be breezing through the first few weeks without a hint of discomfort - just don't be too smug about it!

Paranoia
Almost everyone on the Got Pregnant board has felt a bit paranoid that it's all going to go horribly wrong.  This is perfectly normal, and just another side effect of those pesky hormones.  It's a big bit of news to take in - you're going to be a mummy.  You need time to adjust mentally, but your body is galloping on ahead with all these changes before you've got your head round the whole thing.  It can be a frightening time, all the pregnancy books give ridiculously high miscarriage statistics, and every twinge makes you panic.  You will get loads of support from the ladies on the board, and you'll no doubt find that at 12 weeks you feel much more confident about the whole thing, and offering advice and support to the new girls.

Abortion or Not

So you have a baby by mistake and your debating if you should have an abortion. You can look at all the good and bad everyone says about it. You will be the one that has to live with the decision not someone else.

You have to look at it this way. If you decide to have the baby you can give it up for adoption so another family can have a child they always dreamed of.

You can keep the baby as well and raise it by yourself or have people help you.

If you do choose to abort the baby there are a few ways you can.

I suggest you take a look at this website before you decide on what to do

To abort or not?